Enjoy.

Well, today I was bored and it hit me… get to the bottom of this once and for all.  So I did I Wikipediaed yams and after a few short minutes, my world was turned upside down.  Sweet potatoes are what we eat.  Yams are what people from Africa and Asia eat.

I also found out that the term yams being substituted in America for sweet potatoes started in “The South.”  That’s right, the thick accent, stubborn, tobacco loving, confederate, conservative republican, easy on the exercise, extra butter, Bible-belt “South.”  I’ll bet that someone’s grandma in Arkansas thought to herself, “Sweet potato pie doesn’t sound unhealthy enough to really capture how unhealthy it really is, so I am going to come up with a new name… how about sweet candied yams!!!”

Now understand, some people actually do use yams, which are sweet, but they don’t look a thing like what we think.  To get a picture of what yams really look like, take a look at the picture above.  The happy couple just won’t their first yam growing competition and wanted to take a picture… come to think of it, that is kinda what people in “The South” do with their fish.

How could this be?

Fans pay money to see one of the teams win the game. The purpose of the game is to see one of the teams come out victorious, not see an ending end up the same way it began.

Let’s take a moment down history lane.

Remember that famous fight when David slugged Goliath? What if Goliath brought a sword to a stone fight? Who’s our lifelong underdog now? Rudy?

How about Obama-McCain? Say the election ends in a tie. Now who’s ruling the country? The Dixie Chicks?

Who could forget “The Miracle On Ice” 1980 Winter Olympics match up between The U.S. and the Soviet Union?  Say the game ends in a 3-3 tie. Now who are our lifelong hockey heroes? The Might Ducks?

If all else fails, flip a coin–just make sure it’s not double-sided.

Cartoon Provided by Doug Michael

However, gig after gig, party after party, reception after reception, there seem to be the same people at every event, no matter what kind it is. In the DJ business, you always please the people who are paying you, no matter what! You give them what they want. But 10 times out of 10, there are always the same people who show up, and ask the same silly questions.

So here is my Top 10 Things NOT to say to a DJ. Enjoy.
1) Can I request a song? Yeah. (But remember….it’s opposite day)
2) Dude, can you scratch? Of course– I love lottery tickets.
3) Can I set my purse here?

Me: Suren’t.

Random Girl: What did you say?

Me: Suren’t.

Random Girl: What does that mean.

Me: Sure. NOT.
4) Can you tell me what the next song is? “I love Rocky Road” by Weird Al Yankovic .
5) Do you want to dance? Yea. But how about you go practice falling down; I’ll be there in a minute.
6) Can you play… (insert either “My heart will go on” by Celine Dion, “Like a prayer” by Madonna….or sometimes that one crazy guy with long hair and corduroy pants will ask “Got any Slayer?”) Oh sorry, I already played it. Oh, you’ve been here all night? Oh, well I played the braille version. You didn’t feel it?
7) Will you take a picture of me and my friends? Sure. (takes picture of random object in the corner). There you go.
8.) Can I talk into the mic? Yea no problem, let me unplug it.
9) I don’t like this song, can you play something else? You mean, you don’t like Michael Jackson, Justin Timberlake, Prince, James Brown, any Top 40, or any other hits of past decades? It’s not like I am playing “Sounds of Nature: Volume 12. Featuring Sloth from the Goonies.
10) Can you make an announcement to see if anyone has found…(insert any type of jewelry worn on the body) Dear Ebay. 2 gold earrings for sale. Slightly used. Sincerely, Derek.

Always, always trust the DJ. There is a reason why he is the one playing the music.

To the people who show up to an event, where there is a DJ, and just have a good time–Thank You. Here’s to you, good people.